After allegations of sexual abuse by the Mother, the court ordered the Father will only have contact with his children via letters, cards and gifts - even though he did not believe the abuse had occurred.
This is the letter he wrote:
"Dear X and Y,
After your mum and dad separated they could not agree about where you were to live. You were 10 and 6 at the time. As a judge it was my job to make this decision. I had a lot of help from the lawyer who was representing you, and each of your parents, as well as an expert child psychiatrist. Even with all of this help it was a hard, sad case to decide. This letter is to try to explain my decision to you, even though you probably won’t read it for many years.
The most important thing I want to tell you is that both your mum and dad love you very much. They loved you from the day you were born, love you now, and will love you for the rest of their lives. Just because your dad may not have been around for a while, it does not change that he loves you.
At the time I had to decide the case your mum believed in her heart that your dad hurt you. My job is to look at all the information, and listen very carefully to what everybody says including the experts. I decided that you had not been hurt by your dad. Even after I told your mum what I decided, I think she still believed in her heart that your dad had hurt you. This just goes to show that sometimes words do not change a person’s heart.
At the time of the case both of you were saying things, and doing things, that told me you did not like your dad, and did not want to spend time with him. I don’t think you really meant this. I think maybe you were picking up the things that mum was worried about. I listened to what you were saying, but in the end the hard decision I had to make was not because of what you were saying or doing.
I told you this was a hard, sad case to decide. I decided that even though your dad really wanted you to live with him, it was best that you lived with mum, even though this might mean moving away from where you lived at the time. I knew your mum would look after you really well. I decided not to make your mum let you see your dad, even though your dad wanted this very much. I thought it would make things harder for you if I had done this.
By the time you read this letter I think you will be old enough to make up your own mind. I hope you will think about contacting your dad and getting to know him again. There are people called counsellors who can help you with how you feel about this, and help you to make it happen. Please remember that both your mum and dad love you very much, even if they love you in different ways.
Yours faithfully,
Federal Magistrate Altobelli"
Cases involving allegations of sexual abuse or other forms of family violence are some of the hardest decisions court have to make. So are relocation cases. This case involved both.
On one hand there is the risk to the child of being exposed to violence. On the other is the risk associated with them not having a relationship with both of their parents.
Federal Magistrate Altobelli expressed the difficulty of the decision in these terms:
I"n a case where there are only poor alternatives, the children will be exposed to inevitable change. The focus of this consideration is the likely effect of change on the children, particularly but not limited to separation from parents and other significant persons in their lives. On the father’s proposals the change for the children is manifold and intense. They would be removed from their primary carer, and placed in the care of a parent they want nothing to do with. This is physical and psychological change of monumental proportions. In order to cope with this they would need to be supported in this change by both parents, but neither are capable of doing this. The father could not explain to me a considered strategy for coping with this sort of change. I fear the mother would neither accept nor cope with such a decision. All the therapy in the world would not be enough, in my opinion, to support the children and their parents through this change."
It is intereting to note, in the context of the recent case of Garning (discussed here) where there have been cries for the children's wishes to be followed, due to the children in this case being "alienated" from their father, the Federal Magistrate expressly gave no weight to their wishes:
"The children have expressed views in strident terms. They
want to spend no time with their father, and want no communication with him. As
Dr K. acknowledged in his oral evidence, their views need to be understood in
the context of their alienation from their father. He explained that one day
their views might change. Whilst I accept that, at the present time, the
children want nothing to do with their father, I do not decide this case because
of these views. In the circumstances of this case, in view of the alienation
that I find has occurred, there are factors that predicate no weight being given
to these views."
This is another example of the cases that the Family Law Courts have to decide daily. There are options to resolve cases out of court. Contact me to find out more about settling divorce or custody out of court
